This journey has been interesting to say the least...

I look at myself from time to time and I mean, really look at myself. I'll stop & look at my image in a reflective surface, not with vanity but with curiosity. I don't feel like the person I see looking back at me. While not necessarily a stranger, it's more like a close relative whose company you don't mind. 

The hair is still dark brown, but no longer content to remain hidden in the back, a few grays have ventured forth. There's a little more weight on the frame & the skin is showing signs of changing. (My grandmother was right, i should e used more moisturizer.) The eyes are still bright, the logic still fuzzy - while that hasn't changed, at 40, other things did. I became middle-aged.  

Age was always this nebulous thing to me because I've looked younger, and while youthful, I've always been thought mature for my age. I can honestly say I never thought about aging. Until it happened to me. 

The changes were so gradual, I'm still not sure when it happened.  Maybe with the first surgery? It could've been the knee that did me in. (I still think that was just 20yo me not thinking about middle-aged me.) There's the back pain from childbirth & a lumbar puncture. And the fact that now I shop in aisles I never ventured into before.  Aisles with products for things like "light bladder leakage" &  glucosamine for joints. I read articles on menopause & aging as if I were preparing for an exam.  And in a way, I am. A final exam. 

Aging is not a luxury afforded to everyone. It's also inevitable so why try to fend it off with anti-aging creams or Botox shots? I've had great role models for this aging thing. My mother & grandmother have not only approached it with grace & dignity, but they also kicked it's ass.  For the record, neither one of them ever used Botox..

So there it is. Creaky start up pains and all, this is it. In honor of everyone who has been denied the privilege of aging, go do good things. I'll see you in the analgesics aisle.